some of the hard stuff

We have been so inspired at the amount of people blessed by Gracen's story.  We are so thankful for those investing into this little life and sharing in what God's doing.  There continue to be multiple opportunities to share in the celebrating of Gracen.  I can't wait to share our belly pictures as well as the sweetest girlie get together in honor and celebration of Gracen. 
At our appointment last Tuesday, Ryan and I both left feeling overwhelmed and drained.  We began our time meeting with our doctor to discuss birth.  We discussed nothing different than if all was "normal."  We went over what to expect, how to prepare and choices as far as pain and comfort.  For any expecting parents; the smoother labor and delivery goes the better.  Then minutes after we planned for our baby's arrival ... we were discussing prenatal hospice.  These are not two things I would have ever thought happened in the same day.  There is much unknown and in that unknown, much opportunity to trust fully in God and claim that His grace is sufficient, even in the midst of struggle.  The Lord is the giver and taker of life, not us.  Gracen's days have already been numbered and God's plan for her is very good.  We were each created for eternity, not life on earth.  We don't know what's to come, but we do know we'll cherish our time with our baby girl.  Every time I feel her squirming around in there I am reminded of the privilege it is to carry her.  Every time I see Ryan's whole face light up when he feels her, I am reminded of the unending love I have for him as my husband and Gracen's dad.  We aren't sure if when she comes we'll spend her life here on earth together in the hospital or get to share that time in our home; but we're trying to plan the best we know how.  We keep asking the Lord to show us His way of doing all this.  We are just so thankful to our family and friends who continue to walk beside us in this and who are helping in planning the arrival of Gracen, that it may be sweet and peaceful. 
Although the nursery preparation may have looked a little different than expected, it just felt right to make it ready.  Right before 20weeks I would just sit in the baby room and look at all the cute furniture Ryan had just put together.  I had a million ideas in my head and could not wait to follow through on all of them!  All the adorable ideas were being generated into a list and it was getting time to start making them happen.  Obviously our focus the last 2 months has not been setting up the perfect nursery, and the baby stuff we had been accumulating just stayed in the organized piles.  Well, after our last doctors visit and our potential use of hospice ... things in the baby room needed some work.  My precious friends Allison and Emily came over Saturday morning and we created the sweetest little set up.  There was so much joy in sprucing it up and creating the peaceful place that we did.